Author: Stephen Snyder, M.D.

Publisher: St. Martins Press
ISBN: 978-1-2501788-6-2

Dr. Stephen Snyder is a sex therapist. (2017 and Love Worth Making, is a compilation of his twenty-five years counseling couples and individuals in the areas of relationships and sex. In this book he explores ways that couples can achieve and maintain sexual feelings and enjoyment in long term relationships.

Snyder broaches the topics of foreplay, orgasms, sex and love in this book. He introduces a variety of relationships that are experiencing difficulty in maintaining the sexual heights they once had in their love lives and other dysfunctional thoughts that can contribute to dissatisfaction with your partner in sex.

The Introduction suggests that “Your wife is not a lawn mower.” Snyder helps couples talk about foreplay and how that progressions leads to sex. What they feel about the foreplay and who initiates the foreplay can determine how satisfying the sex is between couples. As with most therapists, he also talks to his patients about childhood experiences that may taint their adult sexual experiences.

On page 18 (2017) Snyder lays out the “Rules of Desire” where he states that “Good sex follows certain rules. The same is true for great sex.”  Furthermore, there is, according to his research and experience, a fair mix of couples who know about these rules and those with little to no idea whatsoever. Do you and your partner know these rules? Or are you clueless?

Most of us are aware of Masters and Johnson and their research regarding sex during the 1950’s and 60’s. It was groundbreaking at that time. They were front runners in what would become sex therapy and their research has shaped those that follow. For instance, were you aware that when you become sexually aroused your pupils dilate? Or that your nipples become erect? Actually, I had not given any deep thought into those and other things that Snyder discusses in this book.

In chapter four (2017, p.48, Esther Pearl quote) Snyder says that “Your sexual self doesn’t just want to be loved. It wants to be loved more than anyone else or anything in the world. “ He likens this to a two year old and their favorite word “mine”. For which he continues with “Humans are a possessive bunch.” And that narcissism is not necessarily a bad thing so long as it is not pathological. (p.49) In the “Passion Prescription” Snyder says that “Healthy narcissism gives the erotic mind its energy and vitality. A certain kind of selfishness is an advantage to lovemaking. We ordinarily refer to it as passion.” (p.50) Are you selfish during lovemaking? Is your partner selfish during lovemaking? Doctor Snyder believes that “Sexual selfishness tends to be more erotic than sexual generosity.” Which side of this spectrum depicts you?

I do not want to give everything this book offers away in my review. Therefore, if you and your partner want to learn more about how to have great sex in a long term relationship maybe this book is for you. I enjoyed reading this book and learning about sex. I think you will enjoy it too!