Author: Kanchan Bhaskar

Publisher: She Writes Press 

ISBN: 979-1-64742-475-6

In the Preface Bhaskar says that she was raised on the prospect that marriage and romance would bring her happiness and joy as it had for her parents. For her parents believed that “…a woman was an equal partner in a marriage, one to be honored and valued. Marriage meant love and companionship, and caring. – Violence of any kind in marriage was unthinkable.” (2023, preface) 

Arranged marriages are common in India even today. Kanchan’s marriage had been prearranged. She met her future husband twice before and his family ten short days before being wed. They had exchanged letters for about six months prior to being married but spent no real time together. That is not a long time to get to know one another.  His name was Vijay. She was enthusiastic to be wed. 

Almost from the moment they had said “I do” Vijay was condescending and discordant. His interactions with Kanchan were brisk and authoritative. Their first outing with his office he was pottied. When they got home he hit her so hard she fell down and struck her face and called her a bitch. She had done nothing wrong and could not imagine what may come next. Vijay did apologize a few days later and ask for forgiveness.  

Things settled down and a few months later she was pregnant with their first child. Vijay’s beating’s continued well into her pregnancy. “He grabbed both my legs and dragged me onto the floor toward him. Once he’d dragged me opposite him, he kicked me in the belly, hard. I lost my breath and voice and screamed in pain. “ Afterward, her pregnancy required medical intercession to allow the baby to be born.  While Kanchan tried her best to recover Vijay took a lover into their home. When she was able to she went for a visit to his family and then hers and Vijay made her swear not to tell anyone about his wrongdoings.  (2023, p.34-7)

Kanchan managed to stay away from Vijay for a couple of months and her pregnancy stabilized under her parents’ care. He finally did come to collect her and she was repelled. He again apologized profusely. She acquiesced but remained with her parents until the child was born. It was a girl. 

As you might imagine the beatings continued and Vijay continued to be drunk as often as time permitted. Finally, the neighbors had had enough and called the police to investigate. Kanchan says, “The police wanted to take my statement. I was afraid to say anything against Vijay or my in-laws, afraid they might harm my brother, if I lodged a complaint. And if Vijay was arrested and put in jail, his brothers were capable of hurting my family or me, even fatally through their contacts. The legal system was very much pro-men and run by men, who would never come to the aid of a woman or even listen to her.”  (2023, p.79) 

Kanchan’s family wanted her to have psychological intercession to help her work through these beatings. Deep down she knew she needed to save herself and her daughter. She also thought that perhaps using her education and getting out into the world might do her some good too. 

Nobody who has endured such trauma can ever forget the beater. Maybe in time forgive but that is an individual choice and one not made with ease. That Kanchan was finally able to escape this unbearable and unfortunate relationship with her life and those of her children is testament to her own inner strength. While this book was difficult for me to read because of the horrid beatings I was proud to see the person who Kanchan was able to become and the selfless way she continued to give back to the communities who need her most. I hope her words inspire other women in similar abusive relationships to get away from their abusers and make a life of their own.