Bookpleasures.com welcomes as our guest, Dr. Loren A. Olson, author No More Neckties: A Memoir In Essays and Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight.

Dr. Olson is a Distinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. He is a physician for over 50 years and served as a flight surgeon in the US Navy. 

Norm: Good day Dr. Olson and thanks for taking part in our interview.

Thanks for inviting me, Norm.

Norm: How did you get started in writing? What keeps you going?


Dr. Olson: I’d always written small pieces, but in the last several years I approached writing as a craft I wanted to develop. I find great joy in searching for the right words, putting them together rhythmically, and knowing they convey the meaning I intended. I used to say I’m a psychiatrist who likes to write or a gay man who writes, but now I think of myself as an author, a psychiatrist, and a gay father.

Norm: What has been your greatest challenge that you’ve overcome in getting to where you’re at today? 

Dr. Olson: With my first book, Finally Out, I questioned how an unknown author who wrote a book for a hidden population of closeted, middle aged gay men could be successful.

People continue to discover it through word of mouth, but it was a slow process. I’ve written NO MORE NECKTIES for a broader audience, and I now have a larger platform, but getting this book into the hands of the right audience still presents challenges.

Norm: What inspires you? 

Dr. Olson: What inspires me is the opportunity to offer others hope when they feel there isn’t any. I write about the hard stuff in our lives because getting through the pain builds confidence that one can do it again when needed. And being human means our lives are filled with hard stuff.

Norm: What has been the best part about being published? 

Dr. Olson: The best part has been hearing the stories from people all over the world who have been deeply touched by something I’ve written. These connections produce the greatest rewards for a writer. These people have enriched my life in ways I never could have imagined.

Norm: What motivated you to write No More Neckties and how did you decide you were ready to write the book? 

Dr. Olson: Early in the COVID pandemic, my husband and I went into a self-imposed quarantine because we were fearful of dying alone in a hospital surrounded only by people in hazmat-like suits.

To deal with my anxiety, I began to write essays about my life. I had written some of the most personal stories several years ago, but I needed more time to heal before I was ready to publish them.

One day I realized I had written enough for another book.

Norm: Why did you entitled your book No More Neckties?

Dr. Olson: The first working title was Fitting in Is Not Belonging, but it felt too limiting and too pop psychology.

When I turned sixty, time began to feel more urgent. I promised myself: No more cocktail parties to network with people I didn’t like; no more boring lectures; and I would never wear a necktie again.

No More Neckties captured the one main message of the book: I will throw off others’ expectations of how I should live.

Norm: What is the most important thing that people don't know about the subject of the book, that they need to know? 

Dr. Olson: When we live for others’ approval, we lose control over our lives. Approval is like an addiction. We take a hit and then go into withdrawal. Then we need another hit. The number of “likes” we receive on social media does not determine our worth as a human being.

Norm: What do you hope will be the everlasting thoughts for readers who finish your book? As a follow up, what were your goals and intentions in this book, and how well do you feel you achieved them? 

Dr. Olson: Whenever we meet challenging decisions, we have only three choices: Fix it, put up with it, or get out. That’s it, three choices.

If things can’t be fixed, you either must put up with it or get out. Sometimes it’s necessary to upend our lives.

My goal was to tell people that when we do that the losses are less and the rewards are greater than we imagine. I believe I succeeded by asking the reader to pause and consider whether they are living the life they were always meant to live.

Norm: What was the most difficult part of writing this book and what did you enjoy most about writing this book? 

Dr. Olson: Telling my story inevitably touches on the stories of people I love who may not want their stories told. I did not want to hurt them.

Writing about an experience tapped into fragmented memories of people and places that I’d long forgotten. Looking through those memories like an old family album was sometimes painful, but always delightful.

Norm: Did you learn anything from writing your book and what was it? 

Dr. Olson:  I received this comment from one of my early reviewers: “Grab a cup of coffee and a slice of banana bread for what feels more like a conversation with an old friend than a book.”

When I write, I picture myself as if I am speaking with an imaginary friend. I learned that writing in this conversational style makes my writing accessible and allows the reader to know me as I am.

Norm: What challenges or obstacles did you encounter while writing your book? How did you overcome these challenges? 

Dr. Olson: Over-thinking what the finished product will look like blocks us from beginning to write.

I write the first draft quickly--without editing or censoring—to capture the emotions before I try to understand them.

Then I begin the detailed and time-consuming process of analyzing and editing which uses a very different part of the brain. But I get impatient to finish it.

Norm: Where can our readers find out more about you and No More Neckties?

Dr. Olson: This question makes me smile. After I published Finally Out, one of my patients said, “Dr. Olson, I read your book. You told us a lot more than you needed to.” Now, with No More Neckties, your readers will know even more about me.

For those who still want more, they can go to my WEBSITE,  where they will find an excerpt of the book, my “Ask the Doc” blog, my newsletter, and links to my social media accounts. I also respond to all personal contacts.

Norm: Are you working on any books/projects that you would like to share with us? (We would love to hear all about them!) 

Dr. Olson: I have practiced psychiatry for almost fifty years, and I have written an early first draft of a memoir about those experiences. I’ve put it on hold as I prepare to launch No More Neckties. I hope I don’t have to wait for another pandemic to finish it.

Norm: As this interview comes to an end, if you could invite three authors (dead or alive) to your dinner table, who would they be and what would you ask them?

Dr. Olson: If I had three authors I admire coming to dinner, I would probably be too awe-struck to speak. David Sedaris would be on the list because I love to laugh. James Baldwin would be there to challenge us to dig deeper into our souls. Finally, Garth Greenwell, to lacerate and liberate any discussion of our sexual selves.

Norm: Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions. It's been an absolute pleasure to meet with you and read your work. Good luck with No More Neckties.

Dr. Olson: Thank you for giving me this opportunity.

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