Author: Loren A. Olson, MD

Publisher: Oak Lane Press

ISBN: 978-1-7379956-2-3

In No More Neckties, psychiatrist Loren A. Olson provides a candid, intimate memoir in his quest for identity in the context of being gay in a society organized around conservative views of sexual identity.

What stands out is the power of and meaning of memory as Dr Olson presents a genuinely unique, straightforward perspective that unfolds through a series of brief essays. These essays lead readers through different phases of his life as he navigates his relationships and adventures. Issues explored are death, suicide, feeling fat, sex, infidelity, betrayal, fear of ageing, family, and never feeling good enough.

He is a writer of extraordinary sensitivity and grace, and what particularly shines is his sincerity and openness. He also shows a keen sense of wit. An example is a chapter entitled “I Didn’t Expect Sex to Be This Difficult.” He describes his initial hilarious heterosexual experience when he was a second-year medical student at the University of Nebraska and struggled to fall in love with a young, recently graduated nurse. 

The preface to the memoir sets its intense tone and warns its readers that the author refuses to play it safe. As Dr Olson candidly states: “you may think you told us a lot more than we needed to know, but I have written the book to come clean.” This is an understatement, believe me! One caveat, nothing is held back, as he notes: “I want you to know me as I am, even though some of you might prefer not to. I went through much of my life feeling like an imposter.” 

For the first fifteen years of his life, Dr Olson lived in Wakefield, Nebraska, where the sign of welcoming visitors mentions that its population is 1030. Picture a gay person growing up in a close-knit community linked by culture, economy, religion, and blood. As Dr Olson mentions, Lutheran pastors were leaders in the community who made clear the distinctions between right and wrong. Throughout his years in Wakefield, he continued to ask himself, did the town have a place for him? He felt it never did. 

The essays describe many unfortunate events in his life, beginning with the death of his thirty-four-year-old father in a farm accident. Dr Olson was merely three years old. He explains he attributed his father’s death to his “feeling like a flawed man.” His same sex-desires were buried until he was in his forties. How could he not recognize he was gay? Initially, he concluded was that he had no father to teach him to be a man. As a comparison, he refers to his conflicts regarding his sexuality and a normative life with the power of the farm horses that accidentally caused his father’s death. 

Another distressing event was when he left his wife, Lynn and kids to declare quietly that he was gay. After eighteen years of marriage, she confronted him with some entries he had written in his private journal. She asked him what it was all about, and he replied, “It’s true. I’m gay. I have been struggling with this for the last few years.” Noteworthy is Dr Olson’s remark that it is often difficult for people to understand that many people coming out in midlife or later still love their wives and kids. 

In the closing remarks of the memoir, Dr Olson takes his own advice with these thoughtful words of wisdom: “Some people suffer because they want their old lives back. Not me. My past is history; I want to let go. My future is uncertain; it will unfold as it will. I just want to live this moment being mindful of every day.”

Dr. Olson states that No More Neckties is a work of creative non-fiction. He has reconstructed his memories to be accurate to the genuine spirit of what happened rather than to the details. 

The subjects explored are far-reaching, and the concise narrative style makes for gripping reading throughout. 

Follow Here To Read Norm's Interview With Dr. Olson