Author: Deanna Brann, PhD
Illustrator: Donald Hoenig
Publisher: Ambergris Publishing
ISBN: 978-0-9888100-0-6

“Although you don’t have control over anyone else’s actions, you do have total control over how you feel about them and how you react – that’s the key to this whole book,” Deanna Brann, Ph.D. writes in her book, Reluctantly Related – Secrets to Getting Along with Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law.

This paperback book written by a psychotherapist is over one hundred and eighty pages. Targeted toward both the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it tries to promote a healthy relationship without confronting, arguing or disagreeing constantly.

Dr. Brann is well adverse in problematic relationships in the mental health field she has worked in for over twenty-five years. When issues and concerns developed with her own daughter-in-law one family Thanksgiving, she could not figure out why or how to correct it. In writing this book, not only have she and her daughter-in-law reconnected and are in a growing, endearing relationship, other women can benefit from what she has gleaned.

Breaking down why in-law relationships are so difficult and different from all others, she points out five reasons: finding your way in an initially artificial relationship, being in different stages and emotional places of your life, your personal history and baggage, your perceptions, and how you react based on those perceptions.

The author divides all mother-in-laws into four characters with examples, naming them Comfortable Carla, Mothering Margaret, Off-the-Wall Wanda, and Uncertain Sara along with four daughter-in-laws of Confident Connie, Doubting Donna, Weird Wendy and Transitional Tracy. She also includes three son/husband types of Self-Assured Andy, In-the-Middle Michael and Struggling Steven. According to the doctor’s questionnaires at the end of the book, all fit into some blend of these personalities.

The next section of the book combines these match-ups and offers patterns and solutions with pivotal conversational samples that one must make to change herself, not forcing or coercing the in-law to alter her attitude until she wants to change.

Brann recommends several tools under each character type such as making sure your actions really reflect your true intentions, remember that friendships take time to evolve and do not take comments personally but listen and acknowledge the in law’s perspective. If you shift your expectations, you can promote mutual respect and admiration in the relationship.

Reminding the reader that even ideal mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws have issues from time to time, one can learn from the other how to improve the relationship. If you change yourself first by focusing on how you are regarded by your in-law, how upbringing alters perception, and how you react to situations, you can become yourself and show your true intentions.

This book is a good source to further improve, set boundaries and understand family relationships between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that can be enjoyed and nurtured over time. It reiterates that one is in control of her own thoughts, words and actions that can improve and change relationships for the better with others.

This book was furnished by the publisher for review purposes.

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