Click Here To Purchase The Truth About Sex, A Sex Primer for the 21st Century Volume I: Sex and the Self

Today, Norm Goldman is pleased to have as our guest Gloria G. Brame, Ph.D. Dr. Gloria s the bestselling author of Different Loving (An Exploration of Sexual Dominance & Submission, a Groundbreaking Study on BDSM/Fetish Subcultures) and Come Hither (A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex, for Novices and Experienced Alike). She has recently published her newest book The Truth About Sex.

With a Masters degree in English Literature from Columbia and experience as a journalist, her straightforward communication style allows her to share her expertise as a sex therapist and professor of sexology. Her goal is to share radical types of sexuality in a way mainstream audiences can understand and incorporate into their sex lives. More information about Dr. Gloria Brame is available at www.gloriabrame.com.

Good day Gloria and thanks for participating in our interview:

Norm:

What is a clinical sexologist and is there a difference between a sexologist and a sex therapist?

Dr. Gloria:

The distinctions are fine, but generally speaking, all sex therapists are sexologists (involved in the study of sex), but not all sexologists are therapists. Some sexologists devote themselves to research, teaching, or writing books about sex instead. A clinical sexologist is someone who was certified by a professional organization as possessing the appropriate credentials to work with clients in a private or clinical practice.

Norm:

What piqued your interest in becoming a clinical sexologist? What was the process by which you made the decision to acquire the education you did and choose the line of work that you have?

Dr. Gloria:

My first career was in the liberal arts, and I worked as a college professor and literary editor and poet. But my growing awareness that I was sexually "different" led me to start writing about my own interests. The more I wrote, the more the whole subject of human sexuality fascinated me. I'd always liked sex but I'd honestly never applied much intellectually energy to the subject. Once I did, it was like love at first insight :)

What really nagged at me was the subject of "normal sex." What is it, really? As I researched the subject, one glaring fact became clear: for most of Western history, people assumed they knew what normal sex is -- but their assumptions are mostly wrong. Those wrongful assumptions hurt people and cause quite a bit of misery in the world. Yet many of things we think we know about sex are weak theories based on belief, not science. So my goal was to share the science and evidence we do have, and break the cycle of investing in myths. I think the evidence is a lot more comforting than the beliefs.

Norm:

What is it about human sexuality that fascinates or interests you the most and what have you learned as a clinical sexologist?

Dr. Gloria:

There's nothing about human sexuality that doesn't fascinate me! Its endless variety, the way it influences lives and personal choices, and its role in human history consume me. My blog, meanwhile, is devoted to preserving erotic history, as I run tons of vintage images of sex and eroticism, alongside fine art and pop cultural commentary.

Being a therapist is a little like being a teacher because you learn from the people you work with. They may not have your knowledge base on your subject, but the stories of their lives have always been enormous learning opportunities for me.

Norm:

We often hear the expression “sex sells.” Do you believe this is true and if so why?

Dr. Gloria:

Not only does sex sell, there's a term for the exchange: transactional sex. For the most part, the ways we commodotize sexuality are so ubiquitous they're invisible to most people, like putting sexy girls in skimpy clothes in magazine ads. Perfectly socially acceptable. But people who make a living from porn are put in a completely different class. What's the message? -- you can flaunt it but if you use it, it's wrong? I've never understood that, personally.

Something to consider: a study of our closest primate relative, the bonobo, showed that they engaged in transactional sex too. Guys offered girls tasty twigs in exchange for sex. Sound familiar? :)

I believe that mutually consensual adult sexual behaviors should all be legalized. We should prosecute criminals and thugs who hurt others, not consenting adults who have mutually satisfying experiences.

Norm:

How do you feel about sex education in school?

Dr. Gloria:

I support sex education in school, in college, and at home. I think if parents are sexually uneducated, they too should be required to learn about it. That Americans are kept completely in the dark about one of the most important parts of life, a part of life that is directly linked to their quality of life, mental health, and longevity -- subjects I delve into in the book -- is, in my opinion, a public health disgrace.

Let me point out, though, that sex education is a very broad term and I've yet to see any sensible, comprehensive system put into place which introduces children to knowledge and concepts at appropriate ages. My ideal would to see the subject of sexual health and reproduction be taught incrementally from kindergarten through high school. I think it would be truly amazing if children could graduate from high school with enough education not to become infected by sexually transmitted diseases or to have accidental pregnancies. I blame institutionalized ignorance about sex for the pandemic of sexually transmitted diseases (HPV, in particular) that the CDC has so often reported on, to no effect. Make it unhip to be stupid about safe sex and things will change. Prevention is the only cure for AIDS, Herpes and HPV.

Norm:

Do you believe that there are many people that are hesitant to seek help of a clinical sexologist. If so, why, and as a follow up, when do you feel people should turn to a clinical sexologist?

Dr. Gloria:

I think most people are embarrassed to talk about sex. As I discuss in my book, we're all so locked up on the subject, many adults don't even know HOW to talk about sex. I know that most of the people who visit my office have never spoken to another soul about the concerns they discuss with me. I would say that, because sex education is so lacking, many adults would likely benefit from at least one frank conversation about sex with someone, and obviously, a sexologist is a good place to start for facts and information. The time when someone needs counseling, though, is when they either notice a pattern of sexual dissatisfaction in relationships or when they are aware that either they or their partner is struggling with a sex-related issue. You certainly don't have to be dysfunctional or desperate. In fact, it's always better to work on your issues before you become dysfunctional or desperate. Sex therapists can make the difference.

Norm:

What should people look for in an effective clinical sexologist? What should they expect from their sexologist and from counseling in general?

Dr. Gloria:

Unlike psychology or psychiatry, sexologists focus on finding practical solutions to your problems. For example, clients who come to us for help with performance issues (ED or inorgasmia) would get exercises and tips or relaxation techniques in addition to guided conversation exploring any underlying causes (life stresses, inhibitions, body images, etc.).

I tell my clients to begin to expect to see positive change within a month. This doesn't mean treatment ends after a month -- but since sexology is dynamic (meaning there is usually a behavioral component where you ask people to change their routines or try new things), you will start seeing progress pretty quickly. How long it actually takes to produce the full change the client is hoping for is variable and partly depends on the scope of the problems they have and, of course, whether they actually implement the advice they're given.

Norm:

What is “sex surrogacy,” which seems to be a controversial method of sex counseling and do you believe in it?

Dr. Gloria:

Sexual surrogates provide a unique service: they offer an opportunity for adults to experience a sexual encounter in a very safe, very accepting, and educational way. I think their service is invaluable to individuals, such as the severely disabled for example, who might otherwise never know intimacy, yet who cannot bring themselves to visit a prostitute. That said, surrogacy is not counseling and I'm not sure who's claiming that it is. I believe sex is a fundamental human right and that no matter how compromised someone's health or appearance, they should not be denied the ability to experience joy through sex. If it means paying for the experience, so be it. See my above comments on transactional sex.

Professional sex therapy is understood by most of us in the field as talk therapy. I'm not aware of any sexologists who also work as surrogates or vice versa. From the outside looking in, you can't tell the difference between a session with a sex therapist or a session with a social worker or psychologist.

Norm:

What motivated you to write your latest book The Truth About Sex and what do you hope the book will accomplish?

Dr. Gloria:

As I mentioned above, I became haunted by the question of "what's normal," and the more research and reading I did, the more obvious it became that our definitions are not only out of date, they were always desperately wrong and biased. I guess you could say that my mission was to try and push forward an honest dialogue about what sex and what it is not -- and to give people the tools to begin making positive changes in their own sex lives.

Norm:

Could you briefly tell our audience about The Truth About Sex and how is it different from the hundreds of other books that deal with the same topics?

Dr. Gloria:

I don't think there are any books that deal with the same topics -- or at least not in the way I'm dealing with them. My book doesn't tell you how to have sex, it doesn't say "here's the perfect orgasm technique, now go do it." It explains how people feel about sex, what kinds of emotional issues sex may raise in relationships, how personal identity is tied to sexual identity, why we came to believe the things we do about sex, and what the facts show. I also use personal stories from my years of practice to illustrate typical problems that come up in sex therapy, and how a little education and a lot of empathy can really change peoples' lives.

Though I included exercises at the back of sections for those who want to improve technique, this book is as stated: a primer. It gives you all the facts I believe adults need to know to understand the role of sexuality in human life.

Norm:

Did you learn anything from writing your book and what was it?

Dr. Gloria:

Writing this book (actually, this trilogy, as there will be two more volumes) involved more intensive research into more different disciplines than any other scholarly endeavor I've ever undertaken and since I have a lot of grad degrees and books to my name, suffice to say, it's been a BUNCH :). It's been really exciting to a perennial student like me. There is no end to the learning.

Norm:

Where do you get your information or ideas for all of your books?

Dr. Gloria:

I am a go-to-the-source kind of gal. The ideas for book topics come from my own brain, but I love researching original sources (as opposed to taking someone's word on what someone else said). For The Truth About Sex, I became an obsessive reader of surveys and studies in psychological studies, reproductive medicine, genetics (and sex), brain research, and so on. Similarly, I read volumes on sex history, erotic art, sex and archaeology and so on. If it relates to sex, I want to know about it. Maybe I'm just a tad obsessive. OK, maybe a lot.

Norm:

In you book you devote considerable ink to masturbation. Why do you feel that masturbation plays an important role in one's health what are its health benefits?

Dr. Gloria:

I feel pretty strongly that people are being lied to about masturbation. As I wrote, masturbation is the fundamental building block of healthy adult sexuality. It teaches us how to receive pleasure, how to control our responses, and helps us figure out what kinds of stimulation bring us the most pleasure. It has significant health benefits that doctors are still too embarrassed to discuss with patients. In men over age 40, frequent masturbation lowers the risk of stroke, heart attack and prostate cancer by 50% + and improves longevity overall. When was the last time your urologist told you that?

Norm:

Where can our readers find out more about you and your books?

Dr. Gloria:

Check out GLORIA BRAME.COM to see The Truth About Sex and my other two best-sellers, along with links to various on-line booksellers who carry all three.

Norm:

Is there anything else you wish to add that we have not covered?

Dr. Gloria:

Nope, we're good! :)

Norm:  Thanks once again and good luck with all of your endeavors.

Dr. Gloria Thanks, Norm, fun interview!!!!

Click Here To Purchase The Truth About Sex, A Sex Primer for the 21st Century Volume I: Sex and the Self


See All Books By Dr. Gloria Brame