Bookpleasures welcomes as our guest Gavin Larsen author of Being a Ballerina: The Power and Perfection of a Dancing Life.

Gavin began her studies as a ballet dancer t the tender age of eight and performed as a professional for eighteen years until 2010, when she retired. Her career included performing the Pacific Northwest Ballet, the Oregon Ballet Theatre, the Suzanne Farrell Ballet, and the Alberta Ballet and guest artist with Ballet Victoria.

Norm: Good day Gavin and thanks for participating in our interview.

What is the one thing other people always seem to get wrong about you?

Gavin: Well, I think people often assume I am somewhat mild-mannered or meek because I present with a quiet demeanor. But the truth is that I have very strong opinions (on some things, anyway) and very much want to speak out about them. It’s just that my way of doing so is through silent means: either dancing or writing.

Norm: As a ballerina, what do you believe was your greatest strength and greatest weakness?



Gavin: Dancers tend to fixate on their shortcomings, so I’ll try to start with a strength… I definitely have an innately high ability to push myself, both physically and mentally, which is how I just kept on trucking when my training was really rough, through choreography that was brutally hard, and psychologically kept my eyes focused straight ahead at times when I could legitimately have called it quits.

I have so many weaknesses as a dancer— we all do— but I will say that now I realize that it’s the flaws that make an artist interesting to look at. I sure craved having a more perfect physique, better technique, even an easier ability to make small talk at fundraisers, and never quite believed that old maxim about focusing on what you have instead of what you don’t. To be more specific about my dancer-weaknesses, though, I think it’s that I wish I had been more open-minded to different styles and forms of dance instead of being convinced I could do nothing other than ballet.

I cut myself off from numerous opportunities that would have been artistically huge because I was afraid to look inept when trying to move in a different way.

Norm: Looking back on your career, would you have done anything differently?

Gavin: The same thing I was just talking about— I would have been more open, more adventurous and more interested in different dance forms beyond strictly classical ballet. Post-retirement, I did dabble in more contemporary dance and found it so amazingly gratifying. I’m not sure if I could have done that when I was still actively performing with a ballet company, but I wish I’d given myself the chance to try. I think I was afraid that if I danced more modern, I’d lose my ballet technique, which is crazy.\

Norm: Which of your teachers was most influential on you? Why?

Gavin: Absolutely the most influential teacher was Suzy Pilarre, who in my book is called the Pastel Teacher. I describe in the book how she “rescued” me when I was 15 or 16 and was sort of losing my way as a dance student.

I’d gotten complacent about my training and wasn’t really thinking about what I was doing— I was just going through the motions and not advancing to my full potential. Suzy didn’t give up on me; she took me aside and gave me a wake-up call and basically said, “You have a lot of talent, but that’s not enough. You have to be smart, be thoughtful, and develop it.” And she showed me how.

That kind of frank assessment and drive to be more assertive continued into my adult years, when I told her I’d written this book and she was in it. She read the entire thing well before it was published and kept at my back to make it better. I owe her so much.

Norm: What is your most precious dance-related memory?

Gavin: That’s hard, because there are so many. They’re probably all performance-related, as in specific moments on stage that were transcendent. There are at least two or three times I was on stage, dancing in a performance, and felt like I was literally going to fly, I was so ecstatic.

It wasn’t a hyper kind of glee, it was a supremely calm sense of absolute, pure joy. Those moments made me feel like I could go through the rest of my life and be satisfied, because I’d had that.

Two ballets in particular when I felt that way were both by George Balanchine: Concerto Barocco and Serenade. During Barocco, I was so distracted by the incredible beauty of the music, the moment, and just the experience that I totally lost my place in the choreography! My partner had to whisper and cue me back on track.

Norm: What advice can you give aspiring ballet dancers that you wished you had received, or that you wished you would have listened to?  

Gavin: Nowadays, most young dancers have an open-mindedness and an assertiveness that I lacked, so my advice to cultivate those qualities is not much needed.

I would say to identify what your purest form of strength is as an artist, and then work to enhance it without cutting yourself off from anything else. I’d also say you have to just not stop, not give up, and always be looking for more opportunities.

It’s the people who step out of the race who lose. If you’re looking for a job and keep getting rejections, just keep looking. There is a dance job out there for everyone. You need talent, but that won’t get you there without persistence.

Norm: How do you believe the pandemic affected the world of ballet? Will there be any positive outcomes?

Gavin: There definitely are already positive outcomes among the tragedies. The swing towards video and virtual training and performance has opened up the world of dance.

I’ve been teaching students across the country for the past year, which is something that was possible before but no one would have considered doing it. As a result, I have reconnected with former students and have been able to mentor, coach, and guide them through a rocky year. And some professional dancers and companies have done gorgeous things with filming dance, way beyond simply producing video versions of live shows.

I also really, really love how many innovative and unusual performance settings there are now. I’ve always adored dancing outside or in ‘weird’ settings, not in a traditional theater. This year I assisted with shows held in a parking lot and the lobby, staircase and atrium of a theater building. The nontraditional “stages” give an entirely new dimension to the dancing, make it feel more reachable and personal to the viewers, and also more welcoming. I truly hope that trend continues even when major theaters reopen.

Norm: What motivated you to write Being a Ballerina: The Power and Perfection of a Dancing Life?

Gavin: I began writing down episodes from my dancing life, along with fragments of memories and reflections, not long after I retired in 2010. I was suddenly struck by a sense of urgency to get these things out of my head before I forgot them. And I kept feeling that it was in the small moments, the little daily things, the routines, the passing comments and feelings, along with the more obvious events, where the truth about what it means to be an artist live.

There are so many pop culture depictions of ballet that are either melodramatic, over-exaggerated, or plain old wrong. It makes me angry to see the general public getting this falsified, hyper-commercialized version of what they then come to believe ballet is. I wanted to express the real thing— the drama inherent in the practice of ballet, the act of living that life, minus the sensationalized bits. I truly believe the life itself is sensational enough.

Norm: What process did you go through to get your book published?

Gavin: It was long. I started by trying to find a literary agent and spent about three years with no luck. At the same time, I was submitting excerpts from the manuscript to journals, hoping someone would read them and be intrigued. I did get a lot of pieces published that way.

But finally, through a mutual dance writer friend who was working a book for the University Press of Florida, I sent the manuscript to an editor there. She gave me feedback and directed me to make substantial additions and revisions, which I did, and then it went to the acquisitions editor at UPF. More revisions followed, but eventually in the summer of 2019 I signed the contract with them.

Norm: What were your goals and intentions in this book, and how well do you feel you achieved them? 

Gavin: My goal for the book— and for its readers— emerged as I was writing it. As I said earlier, at first I was just kind of dumping everything from years of memory-storage out onto the page, but eventually I realized I could express a larger truth about the essence of practicing an artistic life through my mini-chapters. I really do think I achieved that. It’s like a patchwork quilt, or a collage: each piece is interesting by itself, but when seen as a whole, you get a richer, more revealing picture.

Norm: What was the most difficult part of writing this book and what did you enjoy most about writing this book?  

Gavin: I’d say the hardest part about creating this book was finding the line where I felt comfortable crossing into purely personal territory and information that didn’t specifically speak about a dancing experience. I’m a very private person and am loathe to let people into my personal life, but I was told that I had to include at least some context so readers would feel closer to me. What I enjoyed most about writing it was purely that: writing. I love the feeling of freedom that comes when I just spew out thoughts and reflections, and then shape and mold them.

Norm: Did you write your book more by logic or intuition, or some combination of the two? Please summarize your writing process. 

Gavin: It was definitely a combination of the two, but at first it was purely intuition. As the book grew, I started shaping and formatting it, piecing together the mini-chapters (that were more like stand alone essays) into a rainbow, I hope.

Norm: What are some ways in which you promote your book?

Gavin: I’ve been working hard to get more comfortable and confident using social media. It’s not a natural thing for me. I’m not a self-promoter; even asking people to “like” my page or posts is slightly embarrassing for me.

I feel bad, as if I’m inconveniencing them! Not a great approach when you’re trying to get attention. But I feel so strongly about this book and the work I’ve done on it that I can’t believe how bold I’m being with promotion. I’m mining my brain for every dance contact I’ve ever had, through performing, teaching, writing, and telling them about it.

My publicist is working on the non-dance connections and we’re hoping to get the book reviewed as a book— not only a dance book, but on the merits of the writing and construction, and the universal themes that will resonate with all readers, too.

Norm: Where can our readers find out more about you and Being a Ballerina: The Power and Perfection of a Dancing Life?

Gavin: You can look at (and follow!) my Author page on Facebook (Gavin Larsen Author), where I post all the updates on appearances, interviews, readings, podcasts, etc, that I’ll be doing.

Also I put up little ‘teasers’ with sneak peeks into the book, and nice reviews or mentions that the book gets. I’m also on Instagram as @Gavinalarsen and Twitter as @Gavinalarsen. And on Goodreads.

Norm: What is next for Gavin Larsen?

Gavin: Very good question. I currently live in Asheville, NC, where I teach ballet and do some regular contributing to various dance journals. I have several ideas percolating for another book, but nothing is in the works yet. I’d love to travel again to a writing residency where I could test out ideas and see what seems viable.

I was a resident at the Wurlitzer Foundation in Taos, NM, a few years ago, and that’s where I got a huge chunk of this book done. That time was magical and I dream of going back.

Norm: As our interview comes to an end, if you could invite three well-known ballerinas (dead or alive) to your dinner table, who would they be and what would you discuss with them?

Gavin:  I’d love to sit and listen to Suzy Pilarre, Allegra Kent, and my other former teacher (who also is in my book) Richard Rapp— although he was not a ballerina— talk about the golden years of being in New York City Ballet and in the presence of George Balanchine on a daily basis. I have already talked to all three of them, but I know there must be endless remembrances and gems of memory that would be so fascinating.

Norm: Thanks once again and good luck with all of your future endeavors

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