pleased to have as our guest today, Dr. Jamie Turndorf.
Jamie holds a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology and is
an internationally renowned and respected relationship therapist,
advice columnist and veteran media personality.
three decades, countless fans have been benefiting from
Dr. Turndorf’s life changing advice via radio, TV, the Internet
Known worldwide as Dr. Love on the Web, TV, radio, and
print, she has been featured on NBC, CNN, CBS, and Fox, as well as
on Inside Edition,VH1, and many others. In addition, she has
contributed articles to WebMD and iVillage, and in Men’s Health,
Glamour, New Woman, American Woman, Cosmopolitan, and many other
major magazines and periodicals. She also writes a relationship
column focusing on conflict resolution for Psychology Today
In addition, Jamie has authored Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love's 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship, which was endorsed by Jack Canfield, NY Times #1 bestselling author of the billion-dollar Chicken Soup for the Soul book empire and Dr. John Gray, NY Times #1 bestselling author of Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus, Make Up Don’t Break Up: Dr. Love’s Five-Step Plan for Reconciling with Your Ex and her most recent book, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased.
Norm: Good day Jamie and thanks for participating in our interview.
Why have you been drawn to the topic of love and relationships and when did you become interested in the topic?
said that all shrinks come from dysfunctional families, and I'm no
exception. I swear when I was still in diapers, I had already earned
an honorary Ph.D. (or should I say Pee-h.D.) in conflict
resolution from mediating my parents fights.
But, seriously, the real reason I entered the field is because I was born 3 months early, and I spent the next 3 months of my life alone in a hospital. A psychic recently told me that my calling to connect souls was born then when I decided that I didn't want others to suffer the agonizing pain of disconnection that I felt.
Norm: Why do you believe that one out of two married couples divorce?
Jamie: As I
explain in my first Hay House book, Kiss Your Fights Good-bye, no
matter how much we love each other in the beginning of
a relationship, love isn't enough to keep our relationships alive.
This is because conflicts inevitably arise in our relationships;
and since most of us don't know how to resolve our conflicts, the
angry feelings that result from unresolved conflicts soon erode
our love. In earlier times,
divorce wasn't considered an option, so people just stayed together and suffered. Now, people can escape an unsatisfactory relationship through divorce, but this is hardly a solution. Soon, we marry again. And,
conflicts erupt in our next relationship, and then we're back to square one again. The only solution is to learn how to resolve our conflicts once and for all.
do you get your information or ideas for your books?
Jamie: Every book I write is born out of my passion to connect souls.
For Kiss Your Fights
Good-bye, I felt compelled to bring to the world my proven
conflict-resolution method that I have tested and developed over 31
years out of my Center for Emotional Communication. Seeing that
conflict-resolution method effectively resolves conflict for the majority of couples who use it, as well as resolves disputes among friends, family members and colleagues, I felt compelled to write the
book and share my method with the world.
Love Never Dies is truly a labor of love in which I reveal the story of my own amazing spiritual reconnection with Emile Jean Pin, my beloved husband of 27 years who died of a bee sting in front of my eyes while we
were vacationing in Italy.
For most of his life, Jean had been one of the most famous Jesuit priests in history. He was a religious pioneer who taught at the Vatican and founded the Liberation Theology movement, which was designed to
fight church oppression from within.
I, on the other hand, was raised by two devout atheists who taught me to not believe in God or the afterlife.
The moment Jean left his body, he began appearing to me in spirit form. His astonishing manifestations, often in front of witnesses, proved to me that we don't die and that our relationships need not end in death.
My experiences with him have led me to create a new grief therapy method that vastly diverges from the Western approach--grieve, let go and move on, which only leaves the bereaved at a greater loss. By contrast, my method guides the bereaved to say hello, not good-bye!
As a mainstream therapist, I also know that Western grief therapy offers us no way of making peace with someone who has passed. Since I can't think of a soul alive who doesn't harbor some unfinished business with
someone who has passed, I developed my Dialoguing with the Departed Technique to help people make peace with the deceased.
As you can see, connecting souls is the common thread.
Norm: What helps you focus when you write? Do you find it easy reading back your work?
Jamie: People have remarked that my writing reads as though I'm speaking aloud to my
reader. I do this intentionally so that my reader feels the power
of my supportive presence. To achieve this voice, I
speak my words aloud as I write so that I am sure the sentences sound as though I am talking to my reader.
Norm: Does your writing career ever conflict with your career as a practicing psychotherapist?
Jamie: No, not at all. My
writing is a way for me to bring my methods to the world at large.
Not everyone can afford to see me in my office,
and my books make my methods available to the masses.
In fact, my practice has fueled my writing. I use my wonderful patients' case examples in all my books.
Norm: What has been the best part about being published?
Jamie:The best part of being published is the widening of my reach. I am passionate about helping people worldwide to fulfill our highest calling on earth, which is to perfect our ability to love ourselves and others fully.
Norm: What do you
think of the new Internet market for writers?
Jamie:In the past,
conventional publishing was the only avenue for writers to get their
words out to the public. Because it is highly competitive to be
published by conventional channels, many voices have
gone unheard. Nowadays, thanks to the Internet, blogging and self-publishing, we have a platform that enables everyone to publish. The Internet is a great equalizer.
On the downside, the Internet offers a platform for people to pummel others' ideas. I am not happy with the bullying, scapegoating, mob violence and incivility that is tolerated under the guise of "freedom of
Norm: What would you
say is the best reason to recommend someone to read your latest
book, Love Never Dies? As a follow up, what purpose do you believe
your book serves and what matters to you about the book?
Jamie: Love Never Dies offers hope and healing to millions of grieving people. My grief therapy method offers the first real method for reconnecting with loved ones in spirit, without needing the intervention of a medium. In addition to simply reconnecting, my Dialoguing with the Departed technique enables people to make peace at last with someone who has passed.
Norm: Can you share a little of Love Never Dies with us?
Never Dies begins with my own story. Readers are going to be blown
away by Jean's astonishing spirit manifestations. In part two, I
dispel beliefs that may stand in the way of reconnecting. I
about traditional Christian teachings that have their feet in the middle ages, and fears of devil worship, and explain that our loved ones in spirit are actually our gatekeepers protecting us from any unwanted presences.
In part three, I show readers,
step-by-step, how to Create a State of Receptivity, How to Recognize
the Signs of Spirit Presence, and How to Dialogue with the
Departed to simply resume a relationship and/or make peace, if
I also explain that loved ones in spirit are waiting for us to open the door of our hearts to them. They wish to support us on the bumpy road of life, act as our guides, and assist us in achieving our own spiritual development.
Norm: How would you
respond to potential readers who might be sceptical about the
subject matter of Love Never Dies?
Jamie: I was
We all know that there are so many mysteries our sciences can't even begin to explain. The more we know, the more we realize how little we know. All I encourage skeptical readers to do is just reserve judgment
and read the book with an open mind. As readers will soon discover, my husband's spirit manifestations--often in front of witnesses--are too numerous to be ignored. I share many mind blowing examples, and include
the names of the witnesses.
Let me share a story about my mother, the quintessential skeptic. The day before my husband's funeral, my mother picked a fight with me and told me to "f" myself. I fled the house, crying terribly. Two months later, on Christmas eve to be exact, my mother called me and said that after I left the house she heard a furious and loud pounding on the walls. The pounding continued for a half-hour until she fled the house in terror.
I said to her, "But mom, you don't believe in the afterlife." To which she replied, "I still don't believe. I just know what happened!"
Here's another piece of good news for skeptics. My grief therapy method still works even for those who don't believe in the afterlife. I have many examples of this in the book.
Norm: Did you learn
anything from writing your book and what was it?
Jamie: Speak for the heart. Speak the truth. Be fearless.
Norm: Do you hear from your readers much? What kinds of things do they say?
Jamie: I am experiencing a huge outpouring of gratitude and relief. My Hay House radio show audiences are so grateful that I am willing to risk myself by telling our story.
When readers and radio audiences hear me ticking off all the signs of spirit presence, suddenly, they realize that they have been receiving the same or similar signs from their loved ones. This confirmation that their loved ones are reaching out to them is so comforting and healing.
Norm: Where can our readers find out more about you and your books?
What is next for Dr. Jamie Turndorf?
Jamie: I look forward to doing more live speaking so that I can connect with more people face-to-face.
Norm: As this
interview draws to a close what one question would you have liked
me to ask you? Please share your answer.
Jamie: There is one thing
that I think your readers would be interested to know, and it is
message from Jean that provides biblical proof of why we are meant to
reconnect and stay connected to loved ones in spirit.
On my first night back from Italy, as I lay alone in our bed crying, I suddenly heard Jean speaking to me. He was quoting a passage I didn't recognize.
The next day, I went to meet his priest to prepare the readings for his funeral. I told the priest that Jean had been speaking to me. The priest lifted his brow in obvious skepticism.
Then, I told him what Jean said. The priest blanched, crossed himself and said, "Dear Lord, Jamie. At first I didn't believe you, but I do now! You're quoting an obscure biblical passage from the Communion of Saints."
I was floored. Like I said, I was raised by atheists and I never went to church or read the bible. And, Jean and I never discussed religion.
It took me a year to understand why Jean had chosen to repeat this biblical passage to me.
Then it hit me!
He was a religious pioneer in life and continues to be in the afterlife.
He quoted the Communion of Saints to let me know that the bible encourages us to remain in communication with loved ones in spirit.
The Communion of Saints says that loved ones in spirit are one with God and the saints. And, since we are supposed to stay in communion and communication with God and the saints, we are supposed to stay in communion and communication with loved ones in spirit--who are one with God and the saints.
He was letting me know that what we've been told about the afterlife is dead wrong, if you'll pardon the pun. As Jean revealed, heaven is a state not a place; heaven is all around us; heaven is here and now, which means that we aren't meant to live in an emotional wasteland separated from those we love.
This is why I have created my new grief therapy method, so the bereaved can reconnect rather than say good-bye. Reconnecting is the secret to transforming grief to joy.
Norm: Thanks once again and good luck with all of your future endeavors.