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Meet Trevor Crow Author of Forging Healthy Connections: How Relationships Fight Illness, Depression and Aging
http://www.bookpleasures.com/websitepublisher/articles/6528/1/Meet-Trevor-Crow-Author-of-Forging-Healthy-Connections-How-Relationships-Fight-Illness-Depression-and-Aging/Page1.html
Norm Goldman


Reviewer & Author Interviewer, Norm Goldman. Norm is the Publisher & Editor of Bookpleasures.com.

He has been reviewing books for the past fifteen years when he retired from the legal profession.

To read more about Norm Follow Here






 
By Norm Goldman
Published on November 13, 2013
 



Norm Goldman, Publisher & Editor of Bookpleasures.com Interviews Trevor Crow Author of  Forging Healthy Connections: How Relationships Fight Illness, Depression and Aging

                                                                                                                                                                                


Bookpleasures.com today is excited to have as our guest Trevor Crow co-author of Forging Healthy Connections: How Relationships Fight Illness, Depression and Aging.

Trevor holds a MBA from Harvard and she has a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy as well as  a Bachelor of Science from Parsons School of Design.

Norm:

Good day Trevor and thanks for participating in our interview.

I noticed from reading your bio that you are a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist and working on becoming an EFT supervisor. Could you please clarify for our readers what is this all about? 

Trevor:

EFT is all about emotionally deepening the experience and understanding what the underpinnings are below all of our behaviors. Many times we do things that do not appear to be based on loving intent or a positive thing, but we do them because we are upset or we are angry and its because somebody we loved did something to us. We don’t get to this emotional depth where we do not understand what we are doing and why we are doing it to each other. In the past, therapy really focused on the cognitive process and this is a much deeper, and I think more meaningful process. In fact it is a more lasting approach to therapy. I have found that its a lot more helpful and really gratifying when I see people get better.

Norm: 

As a follow up, what brought about your interest in becoming a therapist?

Trevor: 

It was my own experiences.  I myself am part of a blended family. I married a person who had two children and I was trying to figure out how to be a step-parent and found there really was not much written about our particular needs. That started me reading and I started thinking about it at length. I had personally gone to therapy before and I had found it helpful. As a result, I decided to go back to school and learn more about blended families. In fact it is part of my practice today, part of my modern relationship framework which is we all need to be there and love one other. Since many of our families really are not blood ties anymore, we need to look more closely at how we can be there for each other. That is where it all started.

Norm:

What motivated you to co-author Forging Healthy Connections and what would you say is the best reason to recommend someone to read your book? As a follow up, what makes this book different from other books dealing with the same topic?

Trevor:

I wanted to write this book because it is all about the therapy that I do and it is really based on this emotional connection. It is the real belief that our emotional bonds are the support of our wellness, our longevity, and our good lives.   The minute we shift from thinking we are individuals and that we can do it all on our own we realize that this is a collaborative effort. When we support each other we have better lives and are literally healthier and we live longer.  I think it an important message for everybody, and thus opening up the book is really about learning that the science is showing us that we need each other, that we know we need each other, and most important, how can we do that better. 

Other books are really self-help books and this is a we-help book. It is not about an individual’s process, its about how our behaviors impact and effect others around us and our selves. In fact, we cannot even be who we are unless we interact with other people around us and we become who we are because of others around us. We’re really set up to meet each other. 

The book is also about the very serious clear science behind why we need one and other.  We try to define the better ways of needing one and other and the good therapies out there that can help achieve them.  This book shows those different levels of the science, the need and also how you do it.

Norm: 

Where did you get your information or ideas for your book?

Trevor

That is a good question. I host a weekly radio show about modern relationships.  Creating the show begins with was thinking about all these topics and then wondering, “who else out there is thinking about relationships?”  The answer were neuroscientists, psychiatrists, therapists psychologists, writers, readers…everybody out there who is really thinking about it. 

I started asking questions and interviewing them and gaining new and exciting insight into how we think about relationships.. Over time, I thought, lets take all this information and put it all in one place and Forging Connections was born. 

Norm:

What was the most difficult part of writing your book and did you learn anything from writing your book and what was it?

Trevor

To be honest, it really was not that difficult. Co-writing it with Mary-Anne was so easy and fun. I would get stuck in places, but other than that it worked out OK. I learned a great deal about myself. 

I love collaborating. I definitely realized I am somebody who needs others. I could not have done this as an individual. It was really great to work with Mary-Ann Karinch.   She was fantastic and she really understood the message and we were copacetic and got each other.  

If I could change anything, I might put a different title on it because this book is not just for people who are ill, it is also for people who want to know how your relationship can keep you healthy. I would add more of the stories because ultimately it is those messages of healing and faith that resonate with readers.

Norm:

In the Foreword to Forging Healthy Connections, Prof. Howard H, Stevenson of Harvard states that “Interpersonal relationships are not only critical to happiness, but also to the effective functioning—that is, the health—of individual human beings and organizations of all sizes, from the family to the world.” Could you please elaborate?

Trevor:

I think we’re all in the same page really in saying that we need each other. When we support and understand one another we create a cohesive environment.  We understand that when we have behaviors around each other that are positive and helpful and does not take away from or hurt one other we work better. We work better as families, we work better as corporations, and we work better as countries.  The minute that we understand that we all have to make room for each other, appreciate each other and build rather than destroy or take away, we’re all in better shape. This is a global message; I believe that this is not just an individual, or a company or a country it’s for everybody. 

Norm:

Why do you believe our bodies thrive when we have good relationships and what is a good relationship? 

Trevor: 

Our bodies are much healthier in a good relationship and there is a lot of really good science about this. First of all, we’re really set up to be in a dyad or couple. When you physically and emotionally connect with other people, your hormones sync up.  When you hold your partner's hand, oxytocin is released in your body that is a “hug drug” that makes you feel much better and calmer.

We have good science that shows us its almost like taking Valium. If you partner is holding your hand while you experiencing a painful moment, we thus actually know that we are set up that way. We are set up to need each other physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

A good relationship is based on safety, trust and the feeling that we are felt, we are known and we are seen. We can stay who we are in the presence of our other. A really nice simple way of saying it is that it is the felt sense that you exist in the heart, mind and soul of your other in a positive way. That is what a loving relationship is about, and you know it in you body, as well your mind. You have that feeling when your spouse goes on a trip and calls you to say I found something really funny that I think you would enjoy, here’s a picture of it. Knowing that you exist in your others sense and mind during that the day is what makes you feel safe. 

Norm:

Why do so many of us fail or lose relationships? 

Trevor:

We forget to value what we have as we forget how important it is. We lose sight of what that person has done for us and is close to our heart. We forget to reach for them. We forget to be attuned to them. We forget to ask them how they’re doing in the day. We forget to have compassion for ourselves and for our other and we place too much importance on the trivial. We forget the most important part of our relationship is being loved and loving back. If you ask somebody who’s about to die their greatest wish, they are not going to say I wish I spend more money on that purse or I wish I’d gone and worked harder. They would probably say I wish I would spend more time in a lovin relationship . 

Norm: 

 
Do you worry about the human race?
 

Trevor:

No. I am not worrying about the human race. Ultimately, we are wired to love and there are just more loving people out there than evil. Love will prevail because it is a biological advantage. My version of evolution "survival of the most connected."

Norm:

Where can our readers find out more about you and Forging Healthy Connections: How Relationships Fight Illness, Depression and Aging?

Trevor:

You can find me on my WEBSITE.  My Blog. Facebook at Trevor Crow LMFT or on Twitter @TrevorCrowLMFT  I love to hear what people think about relationships

Norm: 

What is next for Trevor Crow?

Trevor:

We have some really exciting new projects!  We just launched our web series called Keeping Connected After Hours on YouTube.  It’s a fun show where we are talking with people and asking them their opinions about those relationship questions that we might not always want to ask our friends.  I am also launching a podcast channel where I will continue to talk to the experts in the field of relationships. I will have another book next year and am just going to continue to grow and learn about therapy neurology and to practice therapy.

Norm:

Thanks once again and good luck with all of your future endeavors

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