Carol Weisman, author of So Why Have You Never Been Married: 10 Insights Into Why He Hasn’t Wed jokingly states on the back cover of his book that in addition to his various degrees he has a “Ph.D in avoiding marriage.”
Weisman, who is a forty-eight year old bachelor, was motivated to write his book as a means of self-discovery and also to find out what makes never-married men over the age of forty tick? As pointed out in the introduction, the book focuses on two principal questions, why have these men never been married and is there something wrong with them.
So Why Have You Never Been Married: 10 Insights Into Why He Hasn’t Wed presents a sociological study based on the replies of thirty-three heterosexual never-married men who Weisman spoke to and interviewed. The study does not attempt to fix any problems nor does it attempt to psychoanalyze, it is rather a survey or an investigative exercise to find out how these men reply to a variety of questions. As Weisman mentions, he was certain that he could produce a study that shared the flavor and understanding of these men without trying to come to some kind of a conclusion.
Weisman’s modus operandi and his starting point were to post an online survey wherein he advertised for never-married heterosexual men over forty. The complete results of the survey are included in an appendix to the book. To his pleasant surprise he received replies from 1,533 men (and one woman). Throughout the book Weisman has woven the results taken from the survey. From these replies, Weisman randomly selected about sixty of which thirty-three ended up actually speaking to him.
The men come from all regions of the USA and Canada and there ages range from forty to sixty-four. Their education levels vary from limited to extensive and there are men who are financially challenged and other are quite well off.
The book divides itself into nine chapters in addition to the Foreword, Acknowledgements and Introduction. Instead of summarizing what each interviewee had to say, Weisman chose to divide up his findings into topics. Consequently, we learn about what each of these men think about marriage, divorce, infidelity, children, women, I would have married her, but…, why haven’t I never been married, if I had to do it over again, I would have… and hope.
Some of these findings are quite interesting particularly their view about women. As pointed out, they may have mixed feelings about the opposite sex but they feel strongly about them. “With little exception, these men love women, and the trait that more respondents (50 percent) seek than any other is a sense of humor-more than intelligence, physical attractiveness or even sexual compatibility.” Another attention-grabbing observation was that there were only a handful of reasons why a man who ostensibly loves a woman never married her. Not finding the “right one” was the most frequent reason why men put off marriage even if it had been someone they loved.
Weisman points out that it has been a long time since simply being in love meant automatically getting married. He further states, “What I find intriguing is how long it often takes to come to the conclusion that the woman is someone they do not want to marry.”
The book does have shortcomings particularly that the some of the men interviewed were in a relationship and under certain legal jurisdictions they would have been legally married in view of the length of their relationship. This is something that Weisman fails to mention and should have been part of his study.
Furthermore, I have to admit that after two hundred and forty three pages, I was still wondering just what are these men looking for in a mate. Many seem to fit my parents’ depiction of a bachelor as someone who comes to work each morning from a different direction.
Then again, I am not Weisman, as I have been happily married to the same woman for over forty years and many of the concerns these men have never entered my mind.However, if you are a bachelor over the age of forty, possibly you may discover the reasons for your reluctance to tie the knot.
The above review was contributed by: The Publisher & Editor of Bookpleasures.com, Norm Goldman, B.A.LL.L, Retired Title Attorney: Norm is also a travel writer and together with his artist wife, Lily, the couple meld Norm's words with Lily's art. To check out their travel site click on Sketchandtravel.comClick here to view Norm’s Reviews & Interviews.
Glossary
Contact Us
FAST TRACK, PRIORITY AND QUICK REVIEW SERVICE
Reviewer: N. Goldman
Email
Print