Author: Sel Erder Yackley

IBSN:  0-9769193-5-4

 

 

"Never Regret The Pain" is an unforgettable account of what it is like to love and live with a victim of bipolar illness. This book is not a depressing read, as one may tend to assume from the title. The author, Sel Erder, shares with us her inevitable frustrations, sorrow and loneliness, along with her joys and triumphs..... but most importantly, she gives us hope.

 

Sel's book dispels the stereotype that those who suffer with bipolar disorder, are simply shiftless and lazy. Frank Yackley, Sel Erder's husband, was very much respected and loved by his family, along with many from within his community.  During his early years Frank worked in the newspaper business and later was admired as a judge who was fair and humane. Frank did not agree with the death penalty and when the time came where he had no choice but to sentence a man to death, this situation created extreme stress for him.  This unfortunate ruling, which he was basically forced to make, appears to have been the trigger for his descent into the bipolar nightmare.

 

The book's time line zigzags a bit but the story is constructed in such a way that the reader is able to catch on quickly as to what parts of the characters' lives are being revisited. The author herself was an award winning newspaper journalist and is very adept at weaving many varied aspects into this story.

 

When Frank Yackley could no longer bear living with his dark hopeless shadows, he committed suicide. Sel Erder tells of the varied emotions experienced by herself and their three children.  Those who are left behind often travel through a range of emotions ranging from guilt and sorrow to anger, bitterness and finally acceptance. The author relates to us how she stood by her children and worked with each one of them to help them through this very difficult time.  At one point she was also juggling the care of her aging parents.  In the end, despite her own sorrow and suffering, she was able to keep her family from disintegrating.  Sel's role in the story is truly an inspiring one.  She shows us that through compassion, love, patience and dedication, a family can survive suicide.  All her children have gone on to live normal productive lives.

 

There is always the lurking question of inherited tendencies towards this illness and Sel does worry some about her children. Looking back,Sel realizes that there were definite warning signs before the illness became full blown, and it appears that physical or emotional stress is often the trigger. A question we must also ask is, do viruses or bacteria  play a role in this illness and could this be one reason that bipolar depression can run in families?

 

The last chapter of the book provides practical advice for those with bipolar depression and for the families of those who suffer with this most insidious, misunderstood illness.  I heartily recommend this book to anyone who cares about and wants to become more compassionate and understanding of their fellowman.