ISBN: 0974764477

The following interview was conducted by:  E.Dian Moore &  To read more about Dian Moore’s reviews click HERE

To read Dian's Review of the book CLICK HERE

Dian: When you took the first step toward recovery, can you recall your feelings that day?

Farnsworth: Anger! I was so angry that I couldn't stop shaking. I felt like I was going to explode any minute, so I was desperately just trying to make it through each day, one step at a time, because I actually felt angry enough to plunge forward. This was incredibly frightening. For years I had threatened to leave, and tried to leave, just to go back, so I felt scared half to death, and completely unsure of myself. But it didn't matter. I was finally doing something about all the anger that was swelling inside me. Whatever I did at that point was better than not doing anything but taking it.

Dian: What one piece of advice would you like to give to women who are being abused?

Farnsworth: The abuser isn't going to stop abusing you. I don't care how often he says he will change with repeated promises and bouquets of flowers, a flood of tears or heart-rendering apologies, the abuse WILL happen again and again. You can count on it, but you don't deserve it! It isn't your fault. You don't cause it anymore than you can prevent it, but you can get help.

Dian: Many women feel hopeless, that there is no way out, no money, no resources, no support system. What is your advice to them?

Farnsworth: How you feel isn't reality, and regardless of how real your fear is to you right now, your situation isn't hopeless, and you aren't trapped.

There are caring, professional, and supportive people who are waiting to

help you. They know so much more than you do, and they can help you untangle the web of deceit around you. There is a way out and all it takes is action on your part.

Just think about how wonderful it will feel to have caring hearts and supporting arms to tell you how much your pain matters.

Perhaps you don't have money, many victims don't, but crisis centers can provide shelter and other resources to help you rebuild your life. Shelters aren't these bad places to go! I've toured many of them across the country, and they are warm and family friendly. And, there is a community of support in place for victims of abuse. You are not alone, but no one can help you if you aren't willing to help yourself. It's a difficult and painful step, but it will be the most empowering step you will ever take.

You are a wonderful, loving, caring, and beautiful person who is subjugating herself to the most insidious and destructive relationship that exists, and you don't deserve it and you don't have to take it.

Dian: Tell us a bit about your life since writing your book - what are you doing now, how are you continuing to heal…

Farnsworth: I wish I could say that we've all recovered and the past is completely behind all of us. But it isn't. Writing my book was difficult, but it was healing for me, and a starting point for my children.

Arriving at publication, and promoting my book caused me to face every aspect of myself that I didn't like, especially the fear of failure. But for the first time in my life (and I'm going on 52 years of age) I feel in control, and that's important to those in recovery - they've never been in control. I started living the kind of life I wanted to live the moment I left my ex-husband and it continuously got better. Now it is filled with love, passion and excitement, finally I am accomplishing something worthwhile. But it is a struggle to find balance.

As a mother, my heart is entwined with my children and some have had more difficulties than others. So, in reality, healing is a long process especially when you're a mother with kids that still live in a crisis mode. You have to love them enough to let them go and learn their life-lessons, and that can be sad, and difficult, but a must.

My life today is very rewarding, and I'm happy with myself. I've learned to face situations in a different manner that actually help rather than hinder and I continue to grow through different phases. I'm currently living in old Mexico (again) and this requires more travel for me, but my daughter is a senior in high school and she wanted to finish her last year here. I'm also busy writing my second book, giving workshops, completing an on-line course for certification in Life Coaching, and networking with other groups working to fight against violence.

Dian: If you could go back to the time when you first realized you were

Being abused, knowing what you know today as a survivor - what would you say to your younger self?

Farnsworth: I would seriously grab hold of myself and scream, "Care enough about yourself to get out!" And, if that didn't work, I'd want to grab hold of my hand and drag myself into a shelter ,waving a white flag, yelling at the first person to put me in leg shackles and handcuffs until my mind cleared enough to see reality. Abuse is deadly; it isn't about love, and staying because fear is too great or denying the abuse is much easier.

I was my worst enemy. Putting blinders on didn't stop the evolving and destructive affects of abuse. As I look back, I can still feel the humiliation, and the pain I felt after a beating, or just from being put down and then blamed for it. This went on, day after day for 15 years. It's difficult to understand how I did it, but I did. There isn't anything else to say to someone in that situation, other than to say, for heavens sake, just care enough to stop being abused. Get real! Get a life! Save yourself and your children - you're going to die spiritually if not physically. Leave, and then let your life fall into place, as it will piece by piece, rather than let it go to waste day by day.

Dian: Please feel free to speak about anything you would like readers to know.

Farnsworth: As a mother, and I say this often, because it can't be said enough, but the heartache I've experienced because of my children pales in comparison to my own. There are still days I mourn my first marriage because of what it did to my family, and I can't change that. I see how they struggle with self-esteem issues, and others with addictions, and how it has affected each of us individually and as a whole. I see other families and how they interact and face normal problems that seem so minor in comparison, and this saddens me a great deal.

My life would have been smooth sailing once I left, because my desire was so great to find healing. I realized how sick I was, and it didn't matter why my ex did what he did. It mattered only that I allowed it.

I wanted to get well, and I never wanted to experience abuse of any kind ever again - especially self-betrayal. But as a mother, my progress has been deeply affected by my teen-agers, as I tried to rescue, fix, manipulate and scare them enough into changing. All of a sudden, I saw the worst in me again. I was repeating the same co-dependent behavior that I did with my ex. But this time, the pain went even deeper, because I truly felt I was to blame, and even if I wasn't, it didn't matter.

How do you divorce your children and cut them completely out of your life? You don't—anymore than you can erase them from your heart. I spent nearly nine years after my divorce rebuilding my life. I can't count how many times I regretted the choices I made, not for myself, but because of my children.

My health was nearly destroyed, between physical illnesses and severe depression, time was robbed from me, as well as my youth. Chronic stress ages a person quickly. You're not supposed to age until at least 50, right? Actually, it wasn't until I reached that age I saw the aging process reversing, but this is another story. . . .

Collectively, we're undergoing many life-changes, and there are many more coming. We've got to move forward and allow the life-stream of energy to flow through us. Our way of life, our perceptions, and how we live is badly in need of spiritual renovation, if we are to survive.

Those who live in denial of emotional pain live in closed minds, and this brings about suffering. It isn't our situations that frighten me, but how we react or fail to respond. Some of us don't know how, because we are so caught up in our emotions. The ones that survive are going to be those who are willing to make individual changes now.

Each of us, as little pieces to a greater picture, make a difference affecting the whole when we return the heart to love. As I heal, my children follow (even if it's in small steps, they are still moving forward). This is how we break the chain and take out the weak links of abusive behaviors. What we're really in need of is Love, and it begins with each of us.

Whatever action is taken is better than no action. While victims of abuse might feel embarrassed or too humiliated to cry out for help, isn't a cry for help really a sign of strength? I believe it is, and nothing is as important as caring enough for one's self to end the abuse!

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to speak out, and in quoting the theme from ChristopherCloseup.org "It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness." Light your own candle and see remarkable results.

Dian: Thank you for sharing your heart and your story. Someone will begin to take the steps she needs to take for her well-being because of you.